kittiesGoWoof

I've been watching "Who Wants to be a Superhero?" since I woke up.

Hands down this show is epic. Just... where do they find these people! It's to good not to laugh at. *sigh*

Then again now I've got this undying urge to build myself my own superhero identity so I can go outside and fight crime ^_^ lulz

This is like my Harry Potter phase when I took a shower curtain and stick and turned it into my wizards robe and wand. Avada Kedavra... pwned you're dead. Slytherin for the win.

--- Still stuck in Big Pine. I miss my bed =(  
Mother was speaking of moving down here and renting a house for the rest of this year until Stepfathers lovely fishing business starts to improve. In other words he's not doing shit and she has to do it herself. I'm not loving it >_

Meep.
I'm sitting here contemplating whether or not I should write down every excruciating detail in regards to my weekend in Miami Beach. My better judgment is pointing towards a long drawn out Noooo. Some things are better kept stashed away in those deep dark corners and closets of our minds... forever.

What I will say...
I was like a giant bipolar mess. Saying things and doing things and sticking with my decisions at one moment and then in split seconds regretting my choices and making a stuttering, mumbling fool of myself as I pathetically attempted at explaining my reasons. I single handedly tore apart the entire family and I need not be sarcastic. the entire family for the first time in years was in one place enjoying themselves together and I basically demolished all of it within a matter of minutes with absolutely no hope in things being fixed. At least the family knows who the real fuck up is. I still can't believe I'm allowing myself to be brainwashed into thinking that I'm the one that's mistaken and that I'm somehow making everything up to cope with the real world.

I would like to think I haven't changed at all and that I'm still the exact same as before but unfortunately even I can't feed myself those lies any further than what I already have. I'm still trying to decipher whether the change has become for the better or for the worse. One can only hope it's for the better but that's usually never the case at hand.

I was surprised I was still at that hotel after the third day considering everything that happened. But I'm glad I got the chance to spend some extra time. Nothing compares to the feeling of tranquility you can acquire by just sitting on the shore at midnight staring up at the sky, digging your toes into the sand, and listening to the waves crashing into one another. It's one of those things that actually allow you to enjoy living in this godforsaken state.

I met some interesting people and in a sense I almost regret doing so. None of them necessarily know what happened earlier in that week but if it weren't for meeting them and just sitting and talking about random nonsense together I'd probably be in some psychiatric ward, consuming pills like candy on a Halloween night, rocking myself back and fourth, and possibly creating my own artificial reality...imaginary friends and all. Really the only people worth mentioning are Hector (Heckter) and Pauly... Keebler was a nice kid, and that's all I'm gonna say for now. The others were great and hilariously weird, I've never laughed so much in the company of complete strangers. As for Heckter and Pauly, they were both just awesome and wicked to speak with. Very down to earth and extremely kind and sweet. I wasn't expecting that. I think I would have been better off if I had just stuck to hanging out with pre-teens during my 'vacation' rather than getting to know people that amazingly enough shared common musical interests and similar theories regarding eye sight and colors. I say I almost wish I hadn't met these people simply because of the fact that I truly will 'miss' spending time with them, screwing around, and staying up to see the sunrise in a freezing pool and getting attacked by 'zebra fish'. Due to the events that happened before I met them I'm starting to think I unconsciously began getting somewhat attached to their company... and this is bad seeing as to how we don't necessarily 'know' each other, they live in New York, and I'm probably coming off as a psychopathic stalker since I usually always call/message them when I'm bored... which happens to be almost every night. I can only imagine how much of a nuisance I'm being to them. Even though I jokingly speak of how they only talk to me because they feel bad and things of the like, I can't help but wonder how truthful my statements really are. You know like when someone calls you or speaks to you, and you really don't want to talk to them, but you do so anyways because you don't want to be mean, but eventually you have to kind of just stop talking to them all together because they're getting extremely annoying and the only time you speak is when they trap you in an awkward phone call. Yeah it's kinda like that. Or maybe it's not. I might be thinking to much into this... then again I might not be thinking far enough into it. O_O
Meh, all good things eventually come to an end, at least I can say I had fun in the process.

In my defense I'm stuck in Big Pine for two weeks and I have way too much time on my hands to ponder all the negative, crazy details in regards to simplistic events that I normally would pay no mind too...in other words I'm easily taking a minuscule thing and blowing it about 80 times out of proportion and allowing my own thoughts to consume me and drive me insane. This place is depressing and forces you into a frenzy of emo-like tendencies. I'm just waiting for a crocodile to jump out of the canal so I can witness it devouring some helpless careless creature.

My brother has become my only connection to a valid source of communication amongst humans. That in itself is... just... wow